How to negotiate with a dishonest & mean spirited negotiator

R.M. Boylan BSc. M.A.

Negotiating with a dishonest & mean person

Negotiating with someone dishonest or exhibiting trickster-like behavior can be challenging. Below is a structured approach that incorporates scholarly references and templates to help you navigate such situations effectively.

There is a way of communicating without accusing them. Many people who have lied their entire lives do not see it as lying they see it as "business" dealings. Confronting them requires tact and diplomacy.

Use "I" Statements: - Express your feelings without accusing them. For example,

"I feel concerned when I hear conflicting information."

Disharming them is important as people who do this behavior gratuitously may have an underlying rather serious personality disorder that is dangerous and vindictive. Avoiding being cornered into negotiating with or working for such a person is recommended.

Understanding the Characteristics of Dishonest Individuals

 Individuals who are dishonest often exhibit traits associated with the Dark Triad, which includes:

• Narcissism: A sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy.

• Machiavellianism: A manipulative attitude and a focus on self-interest.

• Psychopathy: Impulsivity and a lack of remorse.

  
  

 According to Paulhus & Williams (2002), these traits can often lead to harmful interactions, violent use of coercive power to get their way and a lack of trust. They also lead to the use of coerce force, violence and even murderous means to get ones way.

Understanding the Justification and Rationalization of Dishonesty

 Sly individuals often engage in dishonest behaviors, employing a variety of psychological mechanisms to justify and rationalize their actions. This discussion explores the cognitive processes behind such behaviors, references relevant psychological theories, and examines the neurological underpinnings that may contribute to their manipulative tendencies.

Psychological Justifications

Psychologists have long studied the ways in which individuals rationalize unethical behavior. One prominent theory is the concept of "cognitive dissonance," introduced by Leon Festinger (1957). Cognitive dissonance occurs when individuals experience discomfort due to conflicting beliefs or behaviors. To alleviate this discomfort, they may alter their beliefs or rationalize their actions. For example, a sly person might convince themselves that their dishonesty is acceptable because it serves a greater good or that everyone else engages in similar behavior.

Rationalization Mechanisms

 According to Dan Ariely (2012), individuals often engage in "moral disengagement," a process where they detach from the moral implications of their actions. They also believe it is morally permissible to cause murder or a death if it is delayed in time so causing someone to lose their Medicaid, job, car, safety, home or causing an accident, rape, or other is all fair game. Moral disengagement can involve:

• Justification: Claiming that their actions are necessary or justified by external circumstances.

• Minimization: Downplaying the impact of their dishonest behavior on others.

• Victim Blaming: Suggesting that those affected by their actions deserve the consequences.

  
  

 These rationalization strategies enable sly individuals to maintain a positive self-image while engaging in unethical behavior or even murderous behavior.

Neurological Underpinnings

Research in neuroscience has identified specific brain areas associated with moral reasoning and empathy, such as the prefrontal cortex and the anterior insula. Studies suggest that individuals who engage in high levels of dishonest behavior may exhibit differences in these brain regions.

• Prefrontal Cortex: Responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and moral reasoning. Dysfunction in this area can lead to poor judgment and increased susceptibility to dishonest behavior.

  
  

• Anterior Insula: Associated with emotional awareness and empathy. Reduced activity in this area may correlate with a lack of empathy, making it easier for individuals to engage in manipulative behaviors without remorse.

Additionally, research indicates that people who are more successful in manipulation often display higher levels of psychopathy, characterized by traits such as superficial charm, lack of empathy, and manipulative behavior (Hare, 1991). This personality profile enables them to exploit social situations for personal gain.

Understanding Psychopathy in Professional Environments

Proportion of Successful Psychopaths in Various Fields

 Dr. Robert Hare, a prominent psychologist and researcher in the field of psychopathy, explains that certain traits associated with psychopathy can be advantageous in high-stakes environments such as business, politics, law, policing, and the stock market. The characteristics that often lead to success in these fields include:

• Charm and Charisma: Psychopaths can be highly engaging and persuasive, making them effective in leadership and sales roles.

• Risk-Taking: Their propensity for risk and lack of fear can lead to bold decisions that might benefit their careers.

• Lack of Empathy: This trait allows them to make tough decisions without being hindered by emotional considerations, which can be advantageous in competitive environments.

• Manipulative Skills: Psychopaths often excel at manipulating others to achieve their goals, which can lead to rapid advancement in their careers.

  
  

 These traits can create a façade of competence and confidence, allowing individuals with psychopathic tendencies to rise to positions of power.

Why They Are a Danger

 Despite their success, individuals with psychopathy pose significant risks to organizations, nations and society at large. The dangers include:

• Ethical Violations: Their lack of empathy and moral compass can lead to unethical behavior, such as fraud or exploitation.

• Corporate Damage: Psychopaths can create toxic work environments, leading to high turnover rates and decreased employee morale.

• Manipulation and Deceit: They can manipulate colleagues and stakeholders, leading to decisions that benefit themselves at the expense of others.

• Long-Term Consequences: While they may achieve short-term success, their actions can lead to long-term damage to the organization’s reputation and viability.

• Trade Wars, Armed Conflict, Nuclear Destruction, Mass Murder

  
  

Impact on Society

 On a larger scale, the presence of psychopathy in leadership positions can undermine societal trust and stability. This can manifest in:

• Corruption: In politics, psychopathic leaders may engage in corrupt practices that erode public trust.

• Social Inequality: Their self-serving actions can exacerbate inequalities, as they may prioritize personal gain over communal welfare.

• Criminal Behavior: In law enforcement, psychopathic traits may lead to abuses of power and a disregard for justice.

  
  

The Danger of Dishonest Individuals

 Sly individuals can pose significant risks to others due to their manipulative nature. Their ability to rationalize unethical behavior allows them to deceive and exploit those around them without experiencing guilt or remorse. This can lead to harmful consequences in personal relationships, workplaces, and broader societal contexts.

• Exploitation: They may take advantage of vulnerable individuals, leading to emotional or financial harm.

• Trust Erosion: Their actions can undermine trust within communities or organizations, creating a toxic environment.

• Social Manipulation: They may influence group dynamics to serve their interests, often at the expense of others.

Rationalizations employed by sly individuals

 The rationalizations employed by sly individuals to justify their dishonest behavior are deeply rooted in psychological mechanisms and neurological processes. Understanding these factors is crucial for recognizing the potential dangers posed by such individuals and for developing strategies to mitigate their impact on society. Continued research in psychology and neuroscience will further illuminate the complexities of dishonest behavior and its consequences.

Strategies for Negotiation

 1. Preparation and Research: - Understand their motivations and past behaviors. Research their history to anticipate their moves.

Reference: Fisher, R., Ury, W. L., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. [Link](https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757)

2. Establishing a Framework for Dialogue: - Use a structured approach to initiate discussions. This could involve setting an agenda that includes mutual interests.

Template: Subject: Discussion Agenda 1. Introduction 2. Mutual Interests

3. Concerns and Misunderstandings

4. Proposed Solutions

5. Next Steps ```

Using Tact and Diplomacy: Approach the conversation with empathy. Acknowledge their perspective without condoning their behavior.

Reference: Ury, W. (1993). Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People. (https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-No-Negotiating-Difficult/dp/0553371322)

Confronting Dishonesty Gracefully

 1. Stay Calm and Composed: Maintain a level-headed demeanor to avoid escalating tensions. 2. Use "I" Statements: - Express your feelings without accusing them. For example, "I feel concerned when I hear conflicting information." 3. Seek Clarification: Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to explain their actions. This can create a space for honesty.

Enchanting Change and Building Trust

 1. "Positive Reinforcement: - Acknowledge any positive behavior they exhibit. This can encourage them to continue on a better path. 2. Model Trust worthiness: - Demonstrate reliability and integrity in your interactions. Trust can be built over time through consistent actions. 3. Create a Shared Vision: - Collaborate on goals that benefit both parties. This can align interests and reduce adversarial dynamics."

Reference: Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (https://www.amazon.com/7-Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/0743269519)

Addressing Underlying Issues

 1. **Identify Motivations**: - Consider what drives their behavior. Are they motivated by fear, insecurity, or past experiences? 2. **Professional Help**: - In some cases, encouraging them to seek counseling or professional help can be beneficial.

Transitioning from Conflict to Cooperation

 1. **Focus on Common Goals**: - Identify shared objectives that can foster collaboration. 2. **Create Win-Win Scenarios**: - Propose solutions that satisfy both parties’ needs. This can help shift their mindset from adversarial to cooperative. 3. **Build a Supportive Environment**: - Encourage open communication and mutual respect to foster a collaborative atmosphere.

Conclusion

 Negotiating with dishonest individuals requires a strategic approach that combines empathy, clarity, and a focus on shared objectives. By understanding their behaviors through the lens of the Dark Triad and employing effective negotiation techniques, you can foster an environment conducive to cooperation rather than conflict.

References

• Paulhus, D. L., & Williams, K. M. (2002). The Dark Triad of personality: Three distinct ways of relating to others. *Journal of Research in Personality*, 36(6), 556-568. [Link](https://doi.org/10.1016/S0092-6566(02)00005-6)

• Fisher, R., Ury, W. L., & Patton, B. (2011). *Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In*. Penguin Books.

• Ury, W. (1993). *Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People*. Bantam Books.

• Covey, S. R. (2004). *The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People*. Free Press.

• https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691615598512

• https://danariely.com/tag/the-honest-truth-about-dishonesty/

• Hare, R. D. (1991). Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us. Guilford Press.

• Hare, R. D. (2003). Manual for the Hare Psychopathy Checklist-Revised. Multi-Health Systems.

• Cleckley, H. (1988). The Mask of Sanity. Emory University Press.