How to catch someone lying in a negotiation

R.M. Boylan
Feb 19
7 min read

Updated: Feb 26

The Neuroscience of Lying

R.M. Boylan BSc. M.A.

AI Art regeneration man scheming & lying to win at all costs.

The complexity behind human lying

Lying is a complex behavior rooted in the brain's functioning, involving various neural mechanisms. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and social behavior, plays a crucial role in the ability to lie. It helps individuals weigh the consequences of their actions and manage the cognitive load required to fabricate a story. Additionally, the amygdala, which processes emotions, can influence the anxiety and fear associated with lying.

Why Humans Lie

Humans lie for various reasons, including:

Self-Preservation: To avoid punishment or negative consequences.
Social Acceptance: To fit in or conform to social norms.
Personal Gain: To achieve a goal or obtain something of value.
Protection of Others: To shield someone from hurt or distress.
To harm at all costs for pleasure, status building and entertainment.

Who is More Inclined to Lie?

Research suggests that certain personality traits can predispose individuals to lie more frequently. Traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy are often associated with higher rates of deceitful behavior. Additionally, situational factors, such as stress or perceived threats, can also increase the likelihood of lying.

Gender Differences in Lying

Studies indicate that men may lie more than women, potentially due to socialization and cultural expectations. Men often feel societal pressure to appear dominant or successful, which can lead to exaggeration or deceit. Conversely, women may lie less frequently but may engage in more relational or empathetic forms of deception, such as white lies to protect someone's feelings.

Detecting Lies in Sales Calls or Negotiations

Identifying deception during sales calls or negotiations can be challenging. However, certain signs may indicate that someone is lying:

Inconsistent Stories: Discrepancies in details can signal deceit.
Body Language: Nervous gestures, avoidance of eye contact, or closed body posture may suggest dishonesty.
Verbal Cues: Hesitation, overly complex explanations, or changes in tone can be red flags.
Emotional Responses: A mismatch between verbal and non-verbal cues, such as smiling when discussing serious topics, can indicate lying.

Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Lying

Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that explores the connection between neurological processes, language, and behavioral patterns. NLP can provide insights into lying by examining how individuals process information and communicate. For instance, NLP practitioners often study eye movements, which can indicate whether a person is recalling a memory or constructing a story:

Visual Constructed: Eyes may move upward to the right.
Visual Remembered: Eyes may move upward to the left.
Auditory Constructed: Eyes may move sideways to the right.
Auditory Remembered: Eyes may move sideways to the left.
Kinesthetic: Eyes may look downwards.

Confronting Someone Who is Lying

When confronting someone suspected of lying, it is essential to approach the situation with tact and respect. Here are some strategies:

Stay Calm: Maintain a composed demeanor to avoid escalating the situation.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the person to elaborate on their story, which may reveal inconsistencies.
Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and observations without directly accusing the person.
Give Them an Out: Provide an opportunity for the person to correct themselves without feeling cornered.

What is Neurolinguistic Programming?

NLP is a behavioral approach that focuses on understanding and changing thought patterns and behaviors through language and communication. It is used in various fields, including therapy, coaching, and business, to enhance interpersonal skills and improve communication effectiveness.

How NLP Can Help Us

NLP can assist individuals in various ways, including:

Improving Communication: Enhancing the ability to convey messages clearly and effectively.
Building Rapport: Establishing trust and connection with others in personal and professional settings.
Understanding Behavior: Gaining insights into one's own and others' behaviors, including the potential for deceit.
Personal Development: Facilitating change in thought patterns and behaviors to achieve personal goals.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that involves understanding and changing human behavior through the use of language and other forms of communication. It was co-created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s, who studied the patterns of successful therapists and communicators to develop techniques that could be applied in various contexts, including therapy, business, and personal development.

Key Scholars and References

Richard Bandler - Co-founder of NLP, author of several books including "The Structure of Magic."
John Grinder - Co-founder of NLP, known for his work on modeling communication and behavior.
Robert Dilts - A prominent figure in NLP, known for his work on strategies and belief systems.
Judith DeLozier - Contributed to the development of NLP techniques and methodologies.
Stephen Gilligan - Developed techniques that integrate NLP with hypnosis and psychotherapy.

Eye Movements in NLP

NLP posits that eye movements can indicate a person's thought processes and whether they are accessing specific types of information. This is often referred to as the "eye accessing cues." The general guidelines are as follows:

Up and to the Left: Visual remembered (recalling a past image)
Up and to the Right: Visual constructed (imagining a new image)
To the Left: Auditory remembered (recalling a past sound)
To the Right: Auditory constructed (imagining a new sound)
Down and to the Left: Kinesthetic (feeling or emotion)
Down and to the Right: Internal dialogue (self-talk)

Identifying Deception in Negotiation or Sales Calls

Recognizing when someone is lying or being deceptive can be challenging, but certain behavioral cues may indicate dishonesty. These include:

Inconsistent eye movements (e.g., looking up to the right when recalling a past event).
Increased blinking or eye contact avoidance.
Changes in voice pitch or speech patterns.
Body language that contradicts verbal messages (e.g., nodding while saying "no").

Confronting Deception

When you suspect deception during a negotiation or sales call, you can confront it through body language and verbal confrontation:

Body Language Techniques

Maintain open and confident posture to convey authority.
Use mirroring techniques to create rapport while observing discrepancies.
Watch for defensive gestures, such as crossed arms or avoiding eye contact.

Verbal Confrontation Techniques

Ask clarifying questions to probe for inconsistencies.
Use a calm and assertive tone to express your concerns.
Encourage the other party to elaborate on their statements to reveal contradictions.

Resources for Further Study

NLP University - Offers resources and training in NLP techniques.
The NLP Institute - Provides information on NLP practices and applications.
Amazon - Search for books by Richard Bandler, John Grinder, and other NLP scholars.
Psychology Today - Articles on body language and deception detection.

Understanding NLP and its applications can greatly enhance communication skills, especially in high-stakes situations like negotiations and sales calls. Recognizing eye movements and body language can provide insights into the truthfulness of the information being presented.

Incorporating NLP techniques can provide valuable tools for recognizing and addressing deceit, ultimately leading to more effective communication and negotiation strategies.

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